INNER DRUGS
August 21, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Because we were raised in chaotic or controlling homes, our internal compass is oriented toward excitement, pain, and shame. This inner world can he described as an ‘inside drug store.’ The shelves are stocked with bottles of excitement, toxic shame, self-hate, self-doubt, and stress.” BRB p. 16
Do the following situations sound familiar? We walk into a room full of strangers and instinctively find the most toxic people in the room to befriend. We leave home with “just enough” time so our adrenaline is pumping when we arrive at our destination. We over-commit ourselves so that we can’t possibly do everything we promised, and then shame ourselves because we’ve failed yet again.
Many of us just naturally choose situations that create drama, people who are spinning out of control, and a life that balances on the edge of insanity. It almost feels like we’re hard-wired to operate that way.
As we begin to understand the damaging effects of these inner drugs we keep taking, we learn to replace the toxic people and drama with mutually respectful relationships and healthy excitement for our recovery. We no longer need to recreate the familiar conditions of our childhood that keep us trapped in the chaos. We gradually begin to appreciate the peace and quiet of serenity. It takes time, but we now realize we deserve better than the hand we were dealt as children.
On this day I choose healthy people to spend time with- people who also value serenity. I welcome the calm that is becoming my new normal.
My Experience:
I was a master at creating drama filled situations and keeping my life in a state that always seemed like it was balanced on the edge of insanity. But I became tired, very tired. My Higher Power directed me to walk into the room of recovery and I will never be the same. No longer do I look for the drama. I now assess the situation and stay away from the drama. I, with the help of my program, have brought my life from the brink of insanity to serenity. There are still plenty of things that go on in my life, however, I have recognized that these are things that I cannot control and I did not choose so I refuse to let them drag me into chaos. I am not always successful but getting better about that every day. What a journey this has been. Achieving and maintaining emotional sobriety has been so eye-opening that I hope that we all will achieve it. Imagine how much better the world would be because of it!!
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