INNER CRITIC

Oct 6, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“We stop in mid-sentence if we are putting ourselves down or criticizing our thoughts or behaviors.  We identify the source of the negativity which is the inner critic inside all adult children.”  BRB p. 299

“Who tells us each day whether we live up to a standard?

Who lies awake each night running over the “could haves” or “should haves” for the day or for days gone by?

We weren’t born with shame; it was instilled in us. We had no experience to measure or reject that shame when we were children, so we had to accept it. But who is keeping that shame alive in us today?

It’s our inner critic that reflects the negative voices from our past. But we now have the choice to change that voice – to live life on our own terms and bury the “could haves” and “should haves.” We are no longer required to listen to the messages that keep shame alive in our everyday thoughts.

Who puts a value on us if we do not value ourselves?

In ACA, we are accepted for who we are. We join together, not to bemoan our imperfections, but to find “the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me.*” Our strength in numbers gives us that courage and assures us that we are now and always have been valued human beings.

On this day I look at myself through the eyes of my fellow ACAs and my Higher Power.  Instead of listening to my inner critic, I believe what they say – that I am valued.”

My experience:

This poem is indicative of calming my Inner Critic.

I will never be the same

It never dawned on me when I walked into the room

The same for which I was, was destined for doom

As I walked into the space with my heart heavy sighing

I saw people cheerful and laughing and I saw some that were crying

This spot I entered was a wonder to me

Some place that I never thought I would be

But how could this exist without me ever knowing

A place that could truly help, my mind was blown

Smiles were freely given and even many a hug

Honestly, I was put aback, and my shoulders did shrug

Love from the entrance was given to me

But belief I deserved, dogged and eluded thee

They said that they would love and accept no matter what

They just wanted my acceptance as they already accepted me such

This initiated tears like I have never before

But like I would have in the past, I did not run for the door

I stayed to hear what more they had to say

And then like they asked, I came back another day

The folks in this room have seen me weep more than any other

These people now, I consider sisters and brothers

So, back and back continue I came

I realize now that I will never be the same

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