IDENTITY CRISIS

Sept 27, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“’The adult child is an identity crisis having an identity crisis.’ That means that we were born in crisis and cannot easily recognize another way to live other than crisis.” BRB p.70

“Many of us came to ACA broken, bruised, and torn. The crazy thing is, we didn’t notice our hearts were barely attached as a result of all the abuse. We may not have noticed that our faces were pale and withdrawn. We couldn’t truly see ourselves for months or maybe years in the condition we were in. We were the walking dead usually surrounded by other zombies.

Then we started to get better, one day at a time. The first time we asked to do the Steps with someone else, chose a home group, did service at a meeting, or told our stories in front of a group, we picked up little pieces of ourselves in the process and were restored to sanity.  It was awesome.  We didn’t know we could feel so good after feeling so bad. It was counter-intuitive, but going into our pain, with the help of those who had gone before us, made us feel better.  It hurt, but it passed.

On this day I will look for yet another little way to improve my life.  I embrace this recovery process that teaches me more about who I am each day.”

My Experience:

“Who am I” is the existential question of the ages. I had no idea that I needed to define that for myself.  I was what others wanted/needed me to be.  I was the protector, the disciplinarian, the breadwinner, the person to make sure everyone else was ok, etc.  Today, I look at who I am and assess who it is I want to be, for me, not for others.  So, I work on this question everyday as I let go of the bad things I have done in my past and replace those with who and what I want to be.  What I know today, as Bryan Stevenson, author of “Just Mercy” puts it, “I am more than the worst thing I have ever done.” As I take this healing journey it is eye opening every single day.  I forgive, I pray, I meditate, I am at peace with myself and the world, I am open to new ideas, I am kind, I am gentle, I love, I hurt, I feel, this and more is who I am today.  Every day I move away from being in an identity crisis and instead move closer to who I am!!

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