HYPERVIGILANCE
April 9, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
”Most ACA members have some form of PTSD, which is often expressed in our hypervigilance of our surroundings or our acute monitoring of comments or actions of others. This behavior is a carry-over from growing up on guard much of the time.” BRB p.160
“In recovery, many of us become very aware of how we feel strong emotional and physical triggers by certain things and we don’t always know why.
Through our discovery process, we find the underlying trauma that causes this state of hypervigilance. The strong, deep emotions that surface may overwhelm us like a raging sea.
To soothe ourselves, we learn to lie under warm blankets, drink hot tea, and take long baths. We activate our inner loving parent, doing whatever it takes to honor our hurt Inner Child. Our motto has become, “I will take care of me first!”
We dialogue with the wounded parts of ourselves that need love. At first, our Inner Child may seem to scream with rage, “Where were you all these years? How do I know you won’t abandon me like everyone else?” But we have the courage to listen to this wounded part, no matter what the cost. We let go of abusive relationships and rearrange our lives to give ourselves more space for healing. We know we are worth it.
On this day I put myself first. When I am in a PTSD tunnel, I will not minimize it to look good for others while I am suffering inside.”
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My Experience:
Hypervigilance!! I have always had a need to ensure that my head was on a swivel to know who is around me, who is approaching me, who may cause danger. I couldn’t even put my back to the door in a restaurant because my hypervigilance was so bad. What that may look like to the person that I am with is that I am not listening, that I am uninterested, that I may be checking someone out. None of this is true and of course causes other problems. It is hard to admit to the other person of my hypervigilance/paranoia. So I would try to be present, but to no avail. Today, I am getting better. I am not completely there, but I don’t look around as much, I am able to let people know that I a paying attention to them, but that I am working through some things and right now I may seem distracted. This communication helps the other person understand and keeps me aware so that I can work on this. Progress, not perfection!!
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