HEARING A FIFTH STEP

Dec 16, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“In Step Five, the ACA member trusts another to hear his or her life story without judgement.  For many, this is the first time the adult child has told the most intimate details of his or her life to another.  Trust of another person is one of the spiritual principles of Step Five.”  BRB p. 632

The first time we did our Fifth Step with someone else, we may have been really nervous.  Then we felt affirmed as the other person didn’t run away or shame us for what we shared.  We had broken the silence, and it was a huge relief as we unpacked years of baggage.  In a haze, we stumbled in the dark with the loving presence of a fellow traveler by our side. We released our past. We walked away better, lighter, and with a sense of completeness we may have never experienced before.

Hearing someone else’s Fifth Step can be such a privilege. When we are asked to do so, we remember our own vulnerability when we shared our lives in this manner. Recalling our own experience helps us honor the other person and treat them with the respect we were given. To help each other on such an important journey truly benefits both individuals.

On this day I will look forward to the time when I am ready to do my Fifth Step so that I can experience the freedom on the other side. When I am then asked to hear another’s Fifth Step, I will honor that request as the wonderful gift that it is.”

My experience:

Although I have gone through life and created friendships with folks that know “where all the bodies are buried,” these were shared more factually and not really with any feeling behind them. It’s this release of feelings behind your deeds that needs to be shared, so you can really own the deeds, feel your pain, empathize with the pain you caused and shed the tears that need to be shed around all this.  I have yet to share my fifth step; however there is fear and exhilaration in the anticipation.  Fear just because I have been brought up to feel shame around certain things, but exhilarated because I will finally be able to let someone else know the complete story and feelings that I feel.  It’s funny to think that my Higher Power has not allowed me to be on the brink of step five until now, because since I was not in touch with my feelings I probably would not have been able to share my fifth step with the sympathy, empathy and emotion that I most likely will when I share my fifth step in the near future. 

I am glad you are on this path with me.  Allow me to be on your path!