GRIEF AS FREEDOM
August 23, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Experienced ACA members speak of grief with a sense of serenity rather than with sorrow or resentment.” BRB p.200
“When listening to ACAs share at meetings, newcomers may at first only hear the recounting of the childhood events and their effects. If they keep coming back, they may experience an extraordinary transformation.
Over time, newcomers may realize that what they are hearing isn’t just a recounting of a story: it’s an opportunity to be heard. In alcoholic and dysfunctional homes, none of us was allowed to tell our story. We did not feel that we could trust our families to listen to us because our feelings were minimized or dismissed.
With experience, the newcomer may hear our shares as a courageous, insightful, and inspired reclaiming of our lives. When the experienced member shares, the sense of serenity doesn’t stem from the story. The serenity is in realizing, most often for the first time, that the meeting allows us to talk, trust, and feel. No longer imprisoned, what is being witnessed is a grieving process that frees a lost soul.
On this day as I begin to free my soul from the prison of my childhood, I will be present for my fellow ACAs as they do the same.”
My Experience:
I have been dismissed for a lifetime. Funny thing is, I got so used to it, I just stopped talking. So people dubbed me standoffish, angry, not liking them, and a plethora of other labels. In the course of all this I let others do the talking and when I really, really didn’t want to do what the other person wanted or was really, really opposed to their view, I lashed out in anger instead of being able to calmly give my view and/or listen to someone else’s view. I have grieved, and will continue to grieve, this and know that today I know I no longer have to take being dismissed, my position is just as important and compromise is the key. Give some, get some. In that way everyone feels valued and hell I might even learn something along the way if I allow another’s view to blossom. What a blessing!
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