GEOGRAPHIC CURE
Sept 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Even though we were whipped emotionally, we held out hope that a new relationship, a new job, or a move would be the cure, but it never was.” BRB p. 334
“We gave our all to other people. We were trained to do that. Who we were as people, our hopes and dreams, were not important.
We found ourselves in old situations again and again, with different faces. We moved to a new city to get out of messes, we changed jobs and we ended relationships. But our parents continued to appear in different forms, or there was the destructive relationship we had with our uncle or sister, but with a different face.
Some ACA meetings use this version of the Serenity Prayer.
Higher Power, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change the courage to change the one I can and the wisdom to know that one is me.
It hurts when we start to come out of denial, but it doesn’t hurt forever. We hold on to our program and to our Higher Power. We learn to nurture those parts of us that need attention in order to grow. We bring light where there is no light by shining the love in the universe onto those wounded parts that still hide inside us. They want to come out to tell their stories and heal.
On this day with my Higher Power’s help, I will focus on myself to find the solution that will keep me from repeating my past patterns.”
My experience:
The amount of jobs, relationships, etc. that I have gone through over the years is countless. I never knew why. I always got this sense that the boom was about to be lowered. I would get fired, or my significant other didn’t love or want me. So I left, for a different job or different relationship. Only to be in the same place at some time in the future. What I didn’t know is I was choosing these situations as they emulated my childhood. I was scared inside, there was what I felt like, controlling behavior, I would rebel and get angry then my mind would be hell bent on leaving the situation. As I healed, I learned what love truly felt and looked like. I had a deeper appreciation for my job and what it stood for. I also know that if given then opportunity again, I would never have chosen my job. Love is more complicated as you have to open yourself to accept love, something I never did as I never expected to be loved so I had no idea what it looked or felt like. Then I allowed myself to be open to however it would look or feel. The funny thing, it physically hurt to have a person touch me lovingly. But I allowed it and let the feeling sweep over me. I had to realize that the person did not want anything more from me than the acceptance that they were giving to me. I had to trust. I am in a very different place today. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I can feel the heal!!!
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