FEAR OF AUTHORITY
March 16, from
“Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We came to see our parents as authority figures who could not he trusted.” BRB p.11
“In healthy families, authority figures are parents who are loving, nurturing and supportive. In our families, they usually put fear into our little souls. We endured physical, verbal or emotional abuse. And unfortunately, what we see and experience, many of us learn, and often practice. No wonder our relationships may be chaotic at best when we get to ACA, whether we had become a rigid authority figure or not.
When we admit that the only way we know how to deal with life’s challenges is to slam doors, shut down and isolate, or say hurtful things to those closest to us, we take the first step towards being ready to change.
By working the Steps with a sponsor or fellow traveler, we discover the triggers that cause us to react negatively or to isolate. We cry for our little kid who faced the terror and heartbreak when these triggers were implanted. Wounds are reopened as we discover the damage, knowing we often couldn’t trust what was going to happen from one minute to the next.
As we sit in meetings, we listen to the experience, strength and hope of other ACAs because they have what we want. We are tired of running – we want healthier ways to communicate so we can trust ourselves and be trusted by others.
On this day I open my heart with courage to find help to work the Steps. I love myself enough to do this.”
My Experience:
While I review my past behavior as I follow the yellow brick road to see the wizard, this is extremely difficult to admit. I thought those around me were the cause of the chaos. What I now know is that I was a willing participant in adding to the chaos. The weird thing is that on some level I needed it because that is what I was used to. I see now that it is not a hard stretch to create that which I had grown accustomed as I identified that as normal, (read healthy). I of course decided that there were some behaviors perpetrated upon me that were unhealthy and decided not to have those in my life, but now I am examining all the behaviors displayed towards me and what I have adopted as healthy. What I have come to realize is that many of my behaviors are not healthy and I need to change them, not for others but for myself. For me to live my best life, I have to decide what is healthy. Slamming doors-unhealthy, isolation-unhealthy, shutting down-unhealthy. Healthy alternatives are to examine what I need and want and calmly communicate those things. But here is the very healthy trick, I have to ask for those things without the expectation that they will be provided to me from the person for whom I am asking. This expectation and potential disappointment is what triggers me into the old behaviors. I must remember the serenity prayer here, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference. I accept that I cannot change another, only me.
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