FEAR

June 11, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Adult children often live a secret life of fear.” BRB p. 10

“Every day individuals use faith to overcome fear. As polar opposites, fear and faith cannot occupy the same space. Fear involves a tightening of the senses whereas faith requires a complete release of them.

The ACA recovery program teaches us to identify and expose our fears to the light of day.  We accomplish this with the loving support of others and our Higher Power. We do this in a safe environment where no one judges us for our past, for our fears, or for the ingrained reactions we carry from our childhoods.

Most of us go through life waiting to exhale, waiting to not feel defined by the position we hold, our possessions, or someone else’s concept of who we should be. We have given our fear a lot of power to control our reactions. But we are exhausted by all this “work” and want to feel peace and serenity in our lives.

ACA gives us the chance to feel free to be the person we were meant to be, someone who is loved and respected for who we are, not what we do. As we strengthen our belief in our Higher Power, we free ourselves from our fears and stop believing our staunchest critic, our false self. We become our own loving, nurturing parent.

On this day I will be aware of any fear that encroaches on my ability to focus on recovery. With the loving support of my fellow ACAs and my Higher Power I will release that fear and feel at peace.”

My Experience:

This is where I was when I walked into the room, tired!  I was tired of carrying the weight of the world, tired of being defined by the position I held or the possessions I had.  I was tired of trying to be who others thought I could or should be.  I was in fear that I could not live up to it all.  But now, I can be me.  I can assess those around me and if they truly want to be in my life and love me for who I am, then I would much enjoy that.  But if they cannot love me for me but for those other things that are mentioned above, I gently invite them out of my life.  This creates serenity around me that I have not known for a lifetime.  There are many times that I go to my ACA meeting and I am tired because of the long day I have had.  Most days I leave the room with much more energy because I have unloaded, if I chose to share that night, or I have received energy from someone else’s story of experience, strength, and hope.  What I do know now, I will never be the same!

I will never be the same

It never dawned on me when I walked into the room

The same for which I was, was destined for doom

As I walked into the space with my heart heavy sighing

I saw people cheerful and laughing and I saw some that were crying

This spot I entered was a wonder to me

Some place that I never thought I would be

But how could this exist without me ever knowing

A place that could truly help, my mind was blown

Smiles were freely given and even many a hug

Honestly, I was put aback, and my shoulders did shrug

Love from the entrance was given to me

But belief I deserved, dogged and eluded thee

They said that they would love and accept no matter what

They just wanted my acceptance as they already accepted me such

This initiated tears like I have never before

But like I would have in the past, I did not run for the door

I stayed to hear what more they had to say

And then like they asked, I came back another day

The folks in this room have seen me weep more than any other

These people now, I consider sisters and brothers

So, back and back continue I came

I realize now that I will never be the same

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