FAMILY ROLES
Feb 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We are making a statement that we will no longer be loyal to denial and dysfunctional family roles.” BRB p. 123
We each grew up playing a role in our families: hero, scapegoat, mascot, or lost child.* Our role may have been related to birth order, or perhaps to how we innately reacted to our situation. If we had several siblings, we probably shared these roles; if we were from a small family or were an only child, we may have had to play multiple roles.
Each role carried certain expectations. Even if the role appeared positive to the outside world, like the hero, it likely turned into a negative as we attempted to wear it while navigating through our adult years.
ACA helps us learn how to shed these shackling roles. We begin to set limits. We act in healthier, “unexpected” ways around our dysfunctional family of origin. We choose to no longer react to events that once set us emotionally spinning out of control. The process is not easy and may take time, yet through it all we learn to live life on our own terms. When we’re successful, we release fear, chaos, control and rigidity from our lives. We find new freedom, which is an amazing reward.
On this day I release the role assigned to me in childhood. I embrace my new role, “Recovering Adult Child.”
My Experience:
I was the hero. But truth be told I was probably all of them to some degree. I was expected to get the good grades, not do anything that was considered bad, take care of younger sibling, and be responsible enough that my parents could leave me alone and not worry that I would do something wrong. Of course this taught me to take on the weight of the world and not bother people with problems, it taught me to figure out how to deal with issues. I did this all alone. The problem is I didn’t learn how to allow someone to help me or to ask for help. This means I shouldered the weight of the world for which now I understand is much too heavy. Setting limits and boundaries was a tremendous piece of information that I learned early on. It is difficult if you never have set boundaries, however it is much needed if you are going to start on the road to recovery. Asking for help was another step in my growth. Asking for someone to potentially sponsor me was an act of faith and courage that I never possessed before. But now that I am working with a sponsor, I don’t know how anyone believes they can work this program without one. This is the amazing power of the program and living your life differently. Won’t you join me!!
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