FALSE SELF

Jan 4, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“The mind developed the Laundry List Traits or the false self to survive.?  BRB p. xxvi

Many of us were born into a hostile world. Instinctively, we learned to sense danger. We were caught in the family story and played our part doing what we had to do to survive.  We couldn’t be our genuine selves – who we were meant to be. We molded a personality that could change at the drop of a hat, adapting to any situation.  It took a lot of skill to survive, and our false self kept us safe in childhood.

Before ACA, most of us didn’t know we had carried this false self into adulthood. As we gained new awareness, it helped us notice the constant barrage of negative thoughts our false self gave off.  It seemed the 14 Traits were part of our DNA.

As we move forward with courage, we use meetings and recovery friends as support.  Our literature informs us and remodels our thinking.  The Steps help us find who we truly are.  We know the Traits were an important part of our early survival, but now they are holding us back. Standing at the crossroads, we choose to allow our Inner Child to come out of hiding. We become our True Self.   As we recover, the Traits begin to soften to a point where they lose their hold on us.

On this day I will remember how far I have come.  I treasure the self-knowledge I’ve gained in ACA that no longer gives my false self power.

My Experience:

I was what I thought everyone wanted me to be.  I was a chameleon.  I hid in plain sight, I took care of things that I had no knowledge of and exuded an air that I had it all under control.  Wearing the mask of being unfazed, I just had to get it done.  I taught myself to navigate treacherous waters and was able to adapt to any situation.  All this time I thought I was unscathed.  But alas, I have come to see that this is untrue.  The damage to my psyche is immeasurable.  I didn’t even really know what I wanted out of life, I just went after what people said I should want.  How exhausting this became. 

With the help of all of the aspects of this program, I am emerging from the primordial ooze and transforming into the man I want to be.  I no longer attempt to manage others feelings as I discover what I want/need out of life and I work on making those needs known.   My Higher Power is showing me a different path.  A path lined with choices, freedom, and happiness.  Which path are you on?