ESCAPE

Dec 4, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“I came to the program because I felt unhappy, abandoned, and generally miserable.” BRB p. 413

“Before ACA, many of us were scared.  We knew that if something didn’t change in our lives, we were likely to be emotionally or physically abused again, and we knew we couldn’t take any more.  To escape and to try to feel good, we had tried anything – burying ourselves in books all day, playing hours of video games, or compulsively shopping.  We may have also used pornography as a way tonumb ourselves.  Our relationships were not with safe people.  Our bodies were racked with tension that never seemed to go away.

Attending our first ACA meeting signaled the start of gradual change for us.  As we come out of denial, we realize that we are capable of being healthy and sane.  We find that sometimes this involves making hard choices, but ultimately those choices are worth it.

An important choice we make is to do the Steps with a Sponsor or fellow traveler who can be a witness to our positive change.  We find that when we make bold, positive moves, the universe steps up to heal us. We are able to live a new story and feel free.

On this day I trust that I am going in the right direction and that I have all the support I need when I am willing to ask.

My experience:

Although I didn’t recognize then, I do now, I was allowing myself to continue to be emotionally abused regularly.  And I felt like there was nothing I could do.  So I numbed the pain through continuous television watching, increased sugar intake or anything else I could do to take my mind off of it.  I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. I was hanging on by a thread.  No wonder I could not make healthy decisions for myself.  Decisions to speak up for myself, in an adult way, or even decisions to improve my life.

In ACA I found gradual change almost daily. My strength to understand undesired behavior displayed towards me, the understanding of my bad behavior towards others, the understanding of what I wanted in my life and the understanding of the pursuit of happiness. This did not happen overnight, it was not easy and some would say it was not fast enough, but this is a marathon not a sprint and as long as I get there, it was worth the wait, and so am I. I no longer have to escape, I now get to choose.  I want you to have choices as well.