EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY
Nov 8, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“The pathway to emotional sobriety that endures time is through the Twelve Steps of ACA.” BRB p. 91
“The ACA program, if worked consistently and honestly, gives us a new route to emotional sobriety. We were unable to find this growing up with the dysfunctional people in our household.
As adults, most of us continued to seek advice from dysfunctional people. Whether it was someone we had a close personal relationship with or worked with, we were inevitably disappointed that the messages we heard, or thought we heard, were untrue. They seemed only to serve the best interests of others. This left us with a profound sense of betrayal and an increasing sense of mistrust, guessing at what normal was.
Stepping away from this mess, we encountered a program that asks us to recognize the truth within us. With the help of our sponsor, we can tap into a new way of thinking. We can establish reasonable boundaries with dysfunctional family members. We get to say no to situations that are not good for us.
When our internal alarms go off, we do not react; we call a fellow traveler instead to get centered and act in a healthy manner. Life moves from a state of DIS-ease to a state of ease as our program works in us. We are now able to easily solve situations that used to baffle us.
On this day, if I start to get off track, I will pick up the phone instead of giving in to the dysfunction. I choose emotional sobriety.”
My experience:
What is emotional sobriety? It is easy to define in other 12-step programs like AA or NA. If you have a drink or take drugs you are not sober, period. And your sobriety starts over. To stay emotionally sober is a much more esoteric dwelling and much harder to grasp.
What I thought was normal, was actually only my normal. As I recover I have questioned all my thought processes. What I would normally think was up, now could be down. What was left, maybe is really right. What I discovered is that my thoughts were molded for my survival. Since I am no longer seeking survival, I must examine all thoughts to ensure that they add to my existence not my survival. I now ask myself things like, “Am I managing your feelings by not being completely honest?” “Are you really attacking me by offering a difference of opinion?”
I now have choices. I have separated, by choice and with love for myself, from those folks that treat or attempt to treat me poorly. This is not easy you see, because it could mean that I am alone. I get to choose which behaviors from people I want to live with, how much of it I will take, and how much interaction I want to give to those people, if any. I have set boundaries with those folks that attempt to make me feel bad about decisions I make or actions that I take. I now understand that I no longer have to stand around and be judged by those people that believe they can judge me. That is a form of control which I no longer wish to participate. In this sense I am able to navigate through those situations that used to baffle me and cause me internal strife. I cannot say that it has completely gone away, this confusion, but I do have resources now to recognize unhealthy situations and move away from the confusion more quickly without anger or judgement of others.
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