DISSOCIATION
August 2, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Another form of not being in the body involves dissociation or ‘leaving the body.’” BRB p. 269
“As kids, we may have gotten into big trouble when we showed how we felt. So many of us taught our little faces and voices and bodies NOT to show emotion. We may have eventually learned to disconnect from our feelings even before they surfaced. We knew we had to live physically in our bodies, but we could refuse to listen to what our bodies were trying to tell us. Some of us became so dissociated that we even looked at others to know when to smile or frown. We had lost our identities in the process.
When we found ACA, we heard dissociation described as a disconnection from our feelings, thoughts, body needs and other parts of ourselves. We also learned that childhood trauma was the cause.
At meeting, when we heard others say they felt numb, empty or dead inside, we may have identified because of our own trauma and disconnect. We heard that change is possible, but it requires work.
When we make the commitment to ourselves, our feelings start to show up; they may be strong and come in large quantities. It’s scary, but we have this support of other ACA. Working the program, and learning to trust in a Higher Power, helps us restore our True Selves. We accept our feelings and become who we were meant to be.
On this day I will pause, find a quiet place to sit, and breathe whenever I feel disconnected from myself. I will maintain conscious contact with my Higher Power…and myself.”
My Experience:
How grateful I am for the rooms of recovery. When I first started I had been going to meetings for a number of weeks and started to feel somewhat connected and more than a little relief. However a program elder showed up one night that had not been there the entire time I had been coming as this person was traveling. This person said something in the meeting that night that shook me to my core. Over the course of my time coming to this meeting she has subsequently repeated these words on multiple occasions and I have come to realize that when we programmers repeat something it is because someone that day needs to hear it. What this person relayed was said so genuinely and earnestly that it literally stopped my thought process and caused me to gasp. The words were, “because of this program, today, I live a life beyond my wildest dreams.” I remember looking over to that person and thinking to myself, “I want that.” Those words keep me coming back week after week. I am so grateful for this person for providing this nugget of experience, wisdom and clarity. You will never know what you need to hear until you hear it. Join me!
Blog: www.bkcoates.com
Instagram: bkcoates
Facebook: a childhood recovered
Twitter: @cornbread182