CROSS TALK

Dec 5, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

Cross Talk

“The word ‘cross talk’ means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on someone else’s remarks made during the meeting….each person may share his or her feelings and perceptions without judgement from others.” BRB p. 341

“Some of us have a hard time with the no cross talk rule in ACA.  We may believe others really need to hear our valuable opinions and insight! This can cause us to violate another’s boundaries.  And it may get in the way of others discovering their truth in their own time.

It has been found that when a nervous racehorse is left alone, it simply gets more nervous.  But when a goat is in the stable, the race horse calms down.  The goat, naturally, doesn’t tell the racehorse, “Calm down; you’re being silly!”  It is the goat’s presence that makes the difference to the horse.  Presence can say what words cannot.

When we’re tempted to give unsolicited advice or opinions, remembering this analogy of the horse and the goat may be helpful.  We can do the most good for ourselves and others by just speaking our own truth and talking about our own feelings.  By doing so, we can serve as living proof that this program can be trusted, that we can all get well in our own time.  It is not our job to fix or parent each other.  We learn to do that on our own when we are allowed to do so.

On this day I recognize that I don’t have all the answers.  Focusing on myself and being there for others instead of trying to ‘fix’ them is the best path for all involved.

My experience:

This is the benefit of the meeting.  You can say what you need to, release the feelings, cry, curse, whatever it is that you need to do without people tryingto fix your problem.  All are available of course to talk after the meeting, on the phone later that evening or the next day, whenever you are ready to talk about it without giving you advice.  You will get listened to and there may be a discussion of what helped the other person, but no telling you what you should do.  What a relief to know that there is not another person in your life trying to tell you what to do.  Go to a meeting and get an ear as well as a  welcoming smile and a hug!!