CRITICAL PARENT

April 20, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“The critical inner voice is that part of us that judges others and ourselves harshly.” BRB p.337

“As children in dysfunctional homes, many of us took on difficult family responsibilities that should not have been our burdens to carry. We were then criticized for not doing things “right.” This led us to become hard on ourselves whenever we thought we made mistakes, developing our own critical voice that started playing in our heads. And that led us to apologize for things that were out of our control.

As we recover in ACA, we work to replace this critical inner voice that became so ingrained in us with a new, loving voice that nurtures and supports us. When we take our personal inventory on a daily basis, we learn to sort out what is really ours, versus what has nothing to do with us. We learn to set healthy boundaries, asking our Higher Power for the strength to continue this healing journey.

It takes patience and time to cultivate this loving voice, which is our inner loving parent. We find strength and hope when we listen to other ACAs as we follow a new path where we replace the negative with the positive in all aspects of daily recovery.  We become more independent and able to trust our own decisions.

0n this day I take responsibility for myself I give myself positive messages and feel comfort knowing that my Higher Power is with me at all times.”

My Experience:

My critical parent says things like, “you should have known better,” or “why did you make that mistake, stupid.”  I have learned to tune out that critical inner parent and embrace the mistakes that everyone else seems to constantly make and relax.   I understand now that my mistakes are not going to cause someone to die, or some other horrific ending.  I can now relax into the fact that I am not perfect.  I tried to be for a long time and tried to hide my imperfections by being hypervigilant and never saying sorry if I did make a mistake.  Well no more.  All that hiding is exhausting.  I am starting to find pockets of inner strength as I grow out of this need to be perfect.  What a blessing this is.

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