CONNECTION

March 28, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“As adult children we have lived a life of isolation for too long. Recovery is about connection.” BRB p. xxiv

“We often hear in meetings that the program “works when you work it.” And we do work hard at it. But sometimes we find ourselves, suddenly it seems, relapsing. We’re worried about saying the wrong thing, not feeling connected with those around us, feeling overwhelmed, procrastinating, and wasting time on our escapes instead of doing something good for ourselves. When we realize what’s going on, we may ask ourselves, “How can I pull myself out of this?”

But that question misses the point of how the program works. The better question is “Who can I reach out to?” We remind ourselves that we are no longer alone. Being compulsively self-reliant keeps us stuck in a place we no longer want to be.

In understanding that we have options, we learn that the simple act of picking up the phone or going to a meeting can make all the difference. It just takes a little trust. What have we got to lose? Perhaps just our feelings of worthlessness, self-pity, shame, and self-loathing that can seem to lurk just around the corner. And how good it feels to work through these feelings, one day at a time! We find that the program works. We now have enough evidence.

On this day I trust that the simple act of connecting with a fellow ACA is what the program is all about. It can keep me on a positive path with my Higher Power and my recovery.”

My Experience:

Prior to ACA I called this “relapse,” sinking into the abyss.  I could feel myself sinking and I would fight hard to stay out, but sometimes I couldn’t stop it.  How long I was in the abyss, I never knew.  I would isolate, push people away and basically be in a funk until at some time down the road I would somewhat emerge out of it.  Truth be told I have probably been in the abyss for a lifetime and didn’t even know it.  Now, as I feel it come on, I have people to talk to, resources to tap into, and meetings to go to in order to help me stay out of the abyss.  How so much happier my days are now.

The Abyss

In my life the pointless fight has always been remiss

Attempting to keep my mind out of the void of the abyss

Depression is what some might call by another name

But like Hawk said, fancy name, same thing

During these times my focus was oh so askew

So that means that I couldn’t concentrate on you

It may have looked outwardly as though I didn’t care

But really all my energy was focused on this stare

I could feel myself scratching and clawing this gravitational pull

Sometimes I succumbed and was in its orbits full

For how long though, I never really knew

That is when my isolation was in full view

You may have thought wondrously, he does not love me

But I couldn’t share with you because I could not see

But now that I do I am sorry you had to endure

The mood swings, the meanness and all the other obscure

Just know then and now I needed you much

So much so that I craved your tender touch

For now I write this because you probably need to hear this

Because of you I will forever fight to stay out of the abyss

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