CODEPENDENCE
July 27, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We focus on others to avoid looking at our own behavior and fear·” BRB p. 335
“Why do some of us want to take care of everyone else so badly? Why do we get so incensed when we see others treated poorly, feeling anger and rage towards the perpetrator?
Yes, we feel deeply that no one should take advantage of other people. But the baggage we are carrying from our childhoods often causes us to go beyond trying to help someone. We can blow things entirely out of proportion with our unresolved sadness and rage.
In ACA, we learn that we cannot be effective in helping others until we deal with our own issues. We do this by getting honest about the true nature of our behaviors. When we fight someone else’s fight, aren’t we really fighting for that wounded part of us that remains unhealed? When we feel their pain and hang onto it, aren’t we really feeling our own childhood trauma?
Often the best way to help others is to let them learn how to stand up for themselves. And the best way to help ourselves is to be aware of what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. When we focus too much on someone else’s fight, we realize that it’s because we have unresolved issues.
On this day I will be clear about my motives before I look outside of myself to take action.”
My Experience:
What, I am not superman!! Yes this is how I acted for a lifetime. I thought I was being a protector, a champion of those that could not protect themselves, etc. But really, it was about me not being protected and doing for those what I wished would have been done for me. I was fighting for that wounded little boy inside. My gladiator was very good at protecting those around me and my little boy smiled that at least someone was being protected. But he was still wounded. It is only after I was in program could I get in touch with this Inner-Child and help him to heal. To no longer take joy in watching the gladiator destroy people for the sake of “goodness.” My Inner-Child is now growing and better understanding his surroundings and getting better at walking with and working with our Higher Power in order to heal and know that there is now no need for protection but a need for courage, trust and willingness to stand up for himself. He also understands there is no longer value in fighting someone else’s fight, but that instead be there to support them in a loving caring way as they ask for it.
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