CODEPENDENCE

July 10, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“As adult children from various families, we focus on ourselves for the surest results.  We gradually free ourselves from codependent or addictive relationships.” BRB p. 60

“Before we entered recovery, it seemed like our relationships were codependent or addictive. It’s what we were used to; it’s what we grew up with. If anyone wanted something different from us, we were uncomfortable because we didn’t really understand what that “something” was. We could keep up the act for a short time, but the walls eventually went up. We had no role models for healthy give and take.

As we learn to focus on ourselves in ACA, at first it seems awkward. Most of us are not used to taking care of ourselves emotionally.  Gradually we begin to see that we can walk away from those who still abuse us and we feel a sense of freedom that’s new because we don’t feel guilty.

We gather strength from those who have come before us in the program.  We hear how they have faced difficult changes with faith and trust in their Higher Power and those they share their journey with. We see the promises of this program being fulfilled in others, and we now have the courage to ask for the guidance that’s available.

On this day I release my codependent and addictive relationships in favor of those based on mutual respect.  I will learn a new “dance” that fill s me with life.”

My Experience:

I never thought about being in codependent or addictive relationships, but perhaps I was.  That is probably why I historically have displayed jealousy, control, etc. to the detriment of the relationship.  When someone wanted something “different” I would somehow sabotage it as I didn’t recognize what that was.  In retrospect it was probably some form of “normalcy” or respectful type of relationship which I had no model for.  So I would make sure it stayed in the place in which I knew, chaos.  As I heal I understand that the chaos is what is not needed and I get to help define what a healthy relationship looks like.  It is scary but it too offers me serenity as my relationships heal more and more on a daily basis.  What a relief!

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