CARETAKING

June 28, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“…we do not have to participate in their dysfunction. We are free to live our own lives.” BRB p. 123

“As children, we may have had to literally be our “brother’s keeper” because in the dysfunction we were given responsibilities far beyond our years. And we didn’t learn to take care of ourselves in the process because we were so focused on others.

As adults, many of us continued this pattern: ignoring our own needs and being drawn to people we could take care of.  We told ourselves we were okay because we were caring, compassionate people. And in return, we often received praise and adulation. People said things like, “Isn’t she wonderful?” “What would we do without him?” This fed the hole in our soul for a while.

But then the praise stopped coming unless we asked for it. The satisfaction we thought we were experiencing diminished. We may even have started to blame others for being ungrateful.

When we joined ACA, we began a program of rigorous honesty and learned to recognize what we were doing. Yes, people took advantage of us, but we taught them to treat us that way. And now, with the help of ACA, our Higher Power, and our new family, we have begun to undo that. We are letting others take responsibility for themselves.

On this day I will continue taking care of and valuing myself because I am worth it!  I will give others the gift of taking care of themselves. ‘

My Experience:

In my experience it wasn’t so much taking care of others, it was more about taking care of things that were beyond my reach.  I had to figure life out at an early age with little to no guidance.  What I relayed to people is that I could handle anything and this continued well into my adult years.  I have finally realized that I cannot take care of everything and don’t have to be perfect in attempting to take care of anything, especially if it is not mine to take care of.  I get to choose what help I want to give, if any, I don’t have to take ownership of the problem and most of all, I don’t have to be perfect in my attempt to help.  This is a struggle at times, but I am working on it as my program says, this is a program of progress not perfection.  What a relief this is!!

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