BURIED FEELINGS
Jan 28, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults.” BRB p. 589
“How can we honor our feelings when many of us were brought up by parents who implied or directly told us that we shouldn’t talk about, think about, our even have our feelings? They told us we were “imagining things,” or said “Stop making a big deal out of nothing.” They said showing feelings and emotion would turn us into weaklings. It was more important to look good and not be concerned with feelings, especially those related to fear, anger, and sadness. How would we be able to stand on our own two feet if we were shadow-boxing with unnecessary emotions? We got the message loud and clear and kept our feelings buried for decades.
But how long can we go on stuffing things before it affects us emotionally, mentally, and physically; before people shun us because these denied feelings start manifesting themselves as inappropriate behavior?
In ACA, we begin to recognize and honor our feelings in real time. When fear, anger, envy, greed, and jealousy appear, we identify and filter them as honestly as possible. Sometimes simple acknowledgement and perspective gathering is enough. But we also should be prepared to talk about our feelings for the purpose of gaining true understanding and acceptance. As we do so, resilience and serenity begin to permeate our minds and our souls.
On this day I will honor my feelings by unlocking them and accepting them as an essential part of my whole being that deserves love and respect.”
My Experience:
Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” In relationship to our buried feelings, I take that to mean If we are told any feelings are wrong then all feelings are wrong. When we bury any feelings then we are not able to feel any feelings including love, compassion, empathy, etc. How empty my life has been without being able to fully appreciate my feelings. Yes, anger, jealousy, fear, sadness, etc. hurt, but the counter emotions I have missed out on has allowed me to only live a half-life thus far. How closed off I have been and not even known that I have not allowed myself to fully be present and enjoy the love that was presented to me or the love I truly wanted to give to someone else. Funny thing is, I would think about how I wanted to show love and experience love, but then I would tell myself it was too much, or it was too corny, and a host of other things I told myself in order not to show love. In a sense, I hid my emotions in order to survive this thing called life. Here is that word survive again. We should not be surviving, we should be living. And living comes with all the emotions that one can experience. It brings us joy and pain, love and heartache, yin and yang. I am slowly starting to better understand this and starting to live a fuller life day by day. Join me!!