BOUNDARIES

Sept 25, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“I had no modeling for having, stipulating, or enforcing boundaries. I would allow children, family members, and others to use me to their advantage. I would do many things for others and then receive nothing in return.” BRB p. 413

“When we’re new to recovery, boundaries can be a mystery because most of us came from families that had none. Even if we know what they are, we still may not know when to have the courage to set them.

Boundaries can be very confusing and overwhelming. But by working the Steps and going to meetings, we learn from others. We talk to fellow ACAs about how they know when it’s right to set a boundary, and about the language they use. We begin to have faith that we can do the same.

Then,   sometimes   without   even    thinking, we find ourselves setting limits with family members and others.  Our anxiety begins to lessen because we know we are able to take care of ourselves with the help of others in program and our Higher Power. We feel less resentful, too.

Letting others use us so we gain their approval may still be occasionally tempting. It can seem easier than standing up for ourselves.  But when we experience the self-esteem we gain from saying no, we know that’s what we really want.

On this day I will have the courage to set the boundaries that are important to me.”

My experience:

Boundaries, what were those, I thought.  Truth is, I may have been the biggest boundary crosser.  I would take on people’s problems because I could and it was seemingly easy.  Even when they didn’t ask, I offered and then swooped in to save the day!  I have come to realize how draining and life depleting this behavior had become.  Now I embrace the term, “not my monkey, not my circus.”  What a relief that I don’t have to take on anyone’s problems and even when asked I get to decide if I will be involved, what level of involvement, or not to be involved at all.  This has not been easy and is a continual struggle, but it gets easier by the day.  Trust me on that!!

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