BOUNDARIES
August 28, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“I am more aware of how I overstep my boundaries, and how I try to force things to work the way I want them to work.” BRB p. 414
“We were vulnerable as children in dysfunctional homes. We experienced no one who was able to set healthy boundaries and maintain them.
In ACA we learn to see the importance of boundaries by practicing the Steps and by identifying and working on our character defects. We learn to recognize boundaries that have been crossed, including when we do it to others. We feel free when we set new boundaries. Progress happens, one day at a time.
The ACA program also helps us recognize manipulative behaviors, which is usually a companion for those with boundary issues. If we’re the manipulator, we begin to see that our attempts to change others will eventually fail; in the meantime, they’ll only complicate things. As we grow stronger, understanding boundaries places everything in perspective.
To help us stay focused, we look to Step Ten “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” It allows us to inventory our thoughts and actions on a regular basis. This keeps our impulsive natures in check so we recognize boundaries in everyday life.
On this day, as my identity and values become more clear, I will work to become consistent in setting my own boundaries and honoring the boundaries other people set.
My Experience:
Boundaries, what are those? I had never heard that in my life before. Because boundaries were never set, modeled, adhered to, etc., my response was to become secretive. That way if you didn’t know, you would not cross my boundary. There are inherent problems when you become a secretive person. It becomes easy for you to be dishonest, it becomes easy for people not to trust you, it becomes easy for you to not trust yourself. These all happened to me. As I set boundaries, I am able to open up and staunchly maintain my boundaries while holding honest dialog about my feelings around the boundary. I no longer feel like I need to be secretive because I have every right to set a boundary around anything I feel like I need to. No matter any protest, no matter any threat, no matter how it may make someone else feel, if I believe I need to set a healthy boundary around something I do because it makes me a better person, more connected to my surrounding and able to open up to people. What a paradox, setting a boundary to feel more connected. It works, you should try it!!
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