BOUNDARIES
June 24, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“The level of choice we develop in ACA is proportional to the integrity of our boundaries. The more we let go, the stronger our boundaries become. This is an ACA paradox: Letting go creates stronger boundaries.” BRB p. 148
“Most of us grew up in families without boundaries. It seemed like everyone was in each other’s business, passing judgment and telling each other what to think and feel. Even if we had understood the concept of boundaries, we wouldn’t have been able to set them for ourselves in the midst of the dysfunction. Yet on some level we often instinctively knew that our boundaries were being violated, whether it was emotional or physical boundaries.
As adults, we were often the boundary violators because of the enmeshment we learned from our families. We simply didn’t understand how boundaries worked, and we didn’t know how to honor them.
In ACA, we learn that a lack of boundaries is usually about control and manipulation. It’s never as simple as it seems, and it takes work to uncover the root of what’s really happening. But as soon as we begin to deal with the underlying issues and release the hold they have over us, our boundaries are strengthened; we let go and offer other people the opportunity to find their own way without our help. We learn to separate what’s really important and what’s not in order to survive as healthy adults.
On this day I will remember that when I choose to let go and not to involve myself where I don’t belong, I am creating stronger boundaries for myself.”
My Experience:
As I set boundaries for how people interact with me, I too am able to set boundaries on how I interact with others. By staying in my lane, this allows them the dignity to completely take credit for the good decisions and to learn from the not so good decisions. This letting go process is very difficult because I have been made to feel that I was in control of everything for a lifetime. In reality I wasn’t and to now set boundaries only helps in allowing me to better acknowledge that I do not control all. What a weight off of my shoulders!!
Blog: www.bkcoates.com
Instagram: bkcoates
Facebook: brian coates
Twitter: @cornbread182