BODY SHAME

April 11, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Body shame is not reserved for our weight or shape.” BRB p. 441

As children, many of us were cruelly mocked by our families for how we looked. Fodder for jokes were our facial features, body parts, voice, hair, nails, ears, teeth, ethnicity and more.

In order to survive, many of us acted as though this didn’t bother us. But secretly we hung our heads in shame. To find a way to fit in, we ate differently, wore bangs, covered our ears, washed our faces relentlessly, and wore clothing to cover up the parts they laughed at. But it usually didn’t work – shame and abandonment were the bookends for each day. We lost everything when they abandoned us, because it taught us to abandon ourselves. Our bodies were just another part of ourselves that didn’t belong to us.

During the recovery process, we begin to see brief glimpses of our True Selves at meetings as we hear ourselves in others’ stories. We finally start to feel acceptance, one hug at a time. Reading the ACA literature confirms that we aren’t crazy. Our childhoods may have been stolen, but we survived, somehow. It is with that survivor strength that we doggedly work our program. Gradually, as we look at ourselves, we start to do the most important thing imaginable: we accept our own appearance.

On this day I will look at my whole self in the mirror, smile, and say, “I love every part of you. I am proud of how hard you are working to break the cycle of shame.”

My Experience:

No real body shame for me, but I was verily dismissed when I got old enough to date.  This took its toll on me for years.  Only now am I able to break free from those chains of bondage and accept the reality that I too am good enough.

I was just a boy

An excerpt from “A Gladiator’s Journey”

Living the life of Riley and Stand by Me

I was a happy and determined child filled with glee

The world was my oyster I was made to feel

But soon I would discover that this was unreal

Driving cross country to the Carolinas at the end.

Then smacked with racism as soon as we turned the bend

Not understanding because everything was within my reach

But apparently there was so much more to teach

Back to Cali, where everything in sight was agog

Soon forgetting the experience like the burning off of the fog

Junior and Senior High school in Sac were a blast

Creating memories that were surely meant to last

But alas, the ugly head of racism did come back a trace

Unfortunately these are memories that cannot be erased

I believed the Constitution that said all people were created equal

But as the Carolina experience, listen to the sequel

Our time together produced a very tender and innocent love

But the hue of my skin was rebuffed from above

I initially felt we were in rhythm and rhyme

But in no uncertain terms it was conveyed, not in this lifetime

This reality crushed my spirit and it decimated my soul

Now, as then, I am still not completely whole

On the brink of greatness with tremendous goals and dreams

Now a shattered shell of who I should be it seems

Unable to fully experience the passages of rites

Puppy love, family dynamics and the view of different sights

Instead I experienced covert ops, and downright shame

When I should have been experiencing love in full flame

How could you do that to another human being

Did you not have faith in her and as an extension, your teaching?

The collateral damage has taken its toll

Numerous innocents are now broken and old

If you would have only allowed yourself to see

Her love made me such a better person to be

It gave me faith in an otherwise chaotic place

But ultimately I was crushed as you didn’t allow the race

I was a child of God just like your daughter you see

I was just a boy, why would you do that to me

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