AUTHORITY FIGURES

July 21, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Abuse from authority figures in childhood has left us on guard as adults about authority figures. We tend to place people in the category of authority figure when they may not be such a person.” BRB p.379
Fear of authority figures in our adult life can add unnecessary stress when old fears get triggered. As children, many of us were always on guard to not displease our parent or to find a hiding place when danger was present. One or both parents may have been experts at creating real or imagined fear in us.
Routinely, we now encounter others who have authority over us, either because of our jobs or theirs. Some of us also allow people to assume an authority role because we are afraid of conflict. It can even feel daunting when a parking attendant tells us we can’t park “there,” or a sales clerk tries to talk us into a different purchase. Our goal in recovery is to recognize these situations for what they are, and learn to act as adults.
To gain control over our lives, when we interact with someone in authority, we now do a quick internal check. Are we feeling fearful, angry, resentful, or timid? Are we putting our alcoholic parent’s face on this person? If so, we stop and examine the situation from a new perspective. The interaction may not be pleasant, but it is not our childhood coming back to life.
On this day I will recognize when I am responding to authority figures with childhood reactions. I will now approach things from a new perspective as a recovering adult.”

 

My Experience:
My reaction to the authority figures has been historically to throw a tantrum. In fact that is what brought me to the rooms of recovery as I remember having such a tantrum and recognizing later that was not an appropriate response to what was just presented. I now get in touch with all my feelings, whether fear, sadness, etc. and deal with those emotions and move forward in the kindest way possible to have myself heard as an adult. It is not easy and an on-going work in process but well worth the serenity I feel and the mending of the fences I am starting to mend.
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