AUTHORITY FIGURES
May 17, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We realize that life today really is different than when we were children without a voice.” BRB p. 73
“The authority figures we grew up with were scary. They got angry when anyone questioned or challenged them. There didn’t seem to be any logic to it, so we did what we could to avoid having the anger directed at us.
As adults, we often felt our bosses’ behavior resembled that of our parents. The potential authority they wielded made us feel like that little kid again. We avoided asking for help because we expected to be belittled. From our experience and that of our friends, that was a very real fear because, like our parents, many bosses are good at pouncing on the weak. So, rather than risk confrontation, and because we became adept at figuring things out for ourselves as children, we decided that was the way to survive at work. It was exhausting.
We realized early in recovery that we wanted and needed to find our voice. But the stakes seemed too high to experiment at work. So we role-played situations with our fellow travelers. We practiced what we could say or what we might have said. We gradually started to gain self-confidence. And when the time was right, we spoke up. The elation we felt when it worked was indescribable.
We were becoming who we knew we could be. We were making a difference – to ourselves!
On this day I will practice finding my voice with someone in the program I trust so when the time comes, I’ll be ready to, speak up for myself.”
My Experience:
Like seemingly everywhere today, there is an ACA “secret menu” referred to as the “Other Laundry List.” If, when reading The Laundry List, you don’t think one of the traits applies to you, check out the Other Laundry List. The first item on The Laundry List says, “We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.” You may say, like I did, “I am not afraid of anyone.” But then you read the Other Laundry lists which says, “To cover our fear of people and our dread of isolation we tragically become the very authority figures who frighten others and cause them to withdraw,” then if you are like me, you get it. I became that authority figure because I was afraid. Afraid I would be found out to be a fraud, afraid that I would be not good enough, afraid to be wrong, afraid to make mistakes, afraid…, afraid…, afraid. It is hard to admit all this fear, but for my sanity I am admitting it and moving away from it. I work hard every day to not be that person to be feared and to not be that person afraid. I am a work in progress and will continue on this journey for however long it takes.
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