ASKING FOR HELP

Oct 12, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“ACA recovery begins when the adult child gives up, asks for help, and then accepts the help offered.” BRB p. 123

“Many of us grew up in families where it wasn’t okay to give up, much less ask for help. We were just supposed to know how to do it, and if we didn’t figure it out, then we were punished in some way.

As adults, we knew we had to do it all ourselves because we didn’t know how to rely on others. To ask for help would make us seem inadequate, or maybe it would give people a reason to think we weren’t smart enough.

So we kept at it and at it until one day we just couldn’t do it anymore. Something gave way, and we hit a bottom. We couldn’t manage life anymore; we were never given the right tools.

We are the lucky ones in our families because we found help in an ACA meeting. We learned that it’s okay to ask for that help–we were never meant to do it alone. We were given the wrong messages.

On this day I will remember that my support system in ACA is always available to me.  I just have to be willing to ask.”

My experience:

My motto, “Failure is not an option.”  I would never give up.  I may come out bloody and beaten, but I did not give up.  It was never ok for me to give up.  I had to complete the mission.  Even if that mission was way above my pay grade.  I was given a task and made to feel like this is something anyone my age could/should be able to do so go out and do it.  I didn’t know anything different.  I no, there was no help coming my way, so I just stepped into battle until the task was complete.  In those instances that I did fail, the shame, the disappointment, etc., was too much to bear, so I rarely failed.  As I grew into adulthood, I continued fighting those same battles, even with things I had no idea how to accomplish. I didn’t know how to reach out for help nor did I trust that help was coming.  I hit a wall a few years ago and just could not do it.  I think I moved deeper into the abyss during that time.  But with the help of the program I have been able to crawl out and am much happier with myself and my life.  I now ask for help and I don’t take on tasks that are not mine to take on.  I remember, “not my monkey, not my circus.”

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