APOLOGIES
March 19, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“When I first came into the program, I would apologize to everyone and everything at the drop of a hat.” BRB p. 250
“Everything was always our fault. In our family, our very food and shelter were earned by our being the doormat. By taking the abuse year after year, month after month, day after day, and hour after hour, we learned to be invisible. We were containers that those around us filled with their poisoned words and actions. But we mistakenly believed there were some benefits also – a sense of belonging, except that we didn’t even know who we were outside of this role.
As we grow and begin setting boundaries where there were none, we find our True Selves. We learn to connect more fully to our Higher Power by going on this journey. We accept that when we don’t please people, they are not pleased – so be it. We allow those angry stares to live with the person who gives them. We slowly learn not to internalize the fear we grew up with. We cultivate new, loving relationships as we work the Steps. We remember our past and move through it to a new freedom, a freedom we never knew existed.
On this day I will respond when I know what I want to say, and not because I feel like I need to make someone else happy.”
My Experience:
Detachment with love is what we call it. I no longer try to please everybody and although they are free to judge me however they like, I no longer have to subject myself to their harsh judgements, their uncaring stares, their silence. They are not pleased – so be it. I now allow them to live and wallow in their misery without me trying to make it better for them. Just writing this brings previously unknown relief. What a blessing it is that I can now set boundaries and feel good about the place I am in today. What a blessing that I can cultivate new, even more loving relationships with people that are non-judgmental and can appreciate the journey of healing I am on. Blessings are abound, I hope you join me to claim your blessings.
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