ADULT CHILD DEFINED
Feb 12 from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“An adult child is someone whose actions and decisions as an adult are guided by childhood experiences grounded in self-doubt or fear.” BRB p. 302
“Before finding ACA, we didn’t have the opportunity to learn any other way to live except from the standpoint of the dysfunction with which we were raised. As children, most of us quickly figured out what we needed to think, say, and do in order to avoid the most pain. We survived the best way we could, relying on only ourselves to get by.
As adults, often our automatic reactions to situations involve extensions of the behaviors we learned as children. We are adults by appearance, but have yet to mature past our childhood reactions. We are haunted by unresolved trauma that easily wreaks havoc in our life. It is not our fault that we didn’t come away with better life skills; we could not have turned out any differently. With the help of the Twelve Steps, we now have a solution to our Problem. Through ACA, we have the love and support we need to grow through our childhood pain into the confident and secure adult we were meant to be.
On this day I release all negative self-judgement of my identity as an adult child. I am filled with the hope that the promises of ACA offer me.”
My experience:
This realization is tough to swallow. I mean, here I was an adult, and I mean a 50-year-old man, and realizing that I was acting like a child. That is very difficult to admit. What a relief to know that I had no other choice. To survive childhood, I formulated traits and responses that hindered my natural maturity. Those responses got me through some tough situations but fail me now. I am not saying I am not responsible for anything I have done as an adult, I am just saying that the responses/actions I have taken were formulated long ago and I had no other choice but to continue to act the way I developed. But now that I know, I examine every thought I have, every interaction I have, every situation that may cause emotion I do an emotional self-check to determine how I am truly feeling and if I am having appropriate feelings/emotions surrounding the event. Am I interacting with the person appropriately as an adult or have I brought out my learned behavior that I have operated under for years. This self-reflection is difficult to do, but very much worth it as I see my tendencies changing and my outlook on relationships switch. I still make difficult decisions, but I get to make those decisions with a different pair of glasses on now. I have to say, the view is much clearer today. How about you put on a different pair of glasses today and join me.