ADDICTION TO EXCITEMENT
Oct 11, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“Gossip, dramatic scenes, pending financial failure, or failing health are often the turmoil that adult children create in their lives to feel connected to reality. While such behavior is rarely stated as such, these behaviors are an ‘addiction’ to excitement or fear. BRB p. 16
“Many of us came into ACA perhaps unaware of the depth of chaos we had created around us. We felt we were in a fog we couldn’t see our way out of. We didn’t consciously cause this chaos. Our behavior resulted from the emotional and perhaps physical chaos we experienced in our childhood dysfunctional, abusive homes.
As we learned more about our addiction to excitement that drove us, we began to see how our fear was feeding us. And we realized that we needed this inner drug store to be closed for business. The adrenaline rush that we were not even aware of was blocking any progress. We knew the chaos had to stop.
As we find the answers in our meetings and by talking to others, we begin to nourish ourselves with a healthy program that brings us peace and serenity. We become committed to change because we’ve had the pain and anguish and we want to be done with it. We now have the inner radar to see what is coming, and when something feels wrong, we pause as long as we need to. Then we move away. We realize the health of our Inner Child is at stake!
On this day I will give my Inner Child and my adult the gift of freedom from fear and unhealthy excitement that we both need and deserve.”
My experience:
I thought it was everyone else creating this, turns out I was creating it. Even if someone else did have a hand in creating the chaos, I was responsible because I chose to be around that person or situation. Why, because I was addicted to excitement. I would slip into the abyss of depression if the adrenaline rush (excitement) didn’t exist. What chaos could I create to get me out of the abyss? Instead of feeling the feelings that I needed to, process them and deal with them, I created chaos. Gossiping about someone, believing I was on the brink of financial failure, and causing many dramatic scenes. How much time did I waste not enjoying life to instead wallow in the chaos. Not anymore! I now feel my feelings, process them for however long I need to and appropriately deal with those feelings, whether that is to let them go, accept them, or better understand why they come up and move away from those people or things that I feel are associated with those feelings. I don’t blame anyone else, I take full responsibility for allowing the chaos in and creating the chaos. I have adopted the term, “not my circus, not my monkey,” to help me move away from the chaos. If I am able to do it, so can you!
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