FINDING VALUE IN THE PAST

Sept 16, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader

“Through recovery, we realize our childhood experiences have great spiritual value.  We recognize that we can help ourselves and others.”  BRB p. 334

 “In ACA, our journey back to the trauma of our childhoods does not come without pain. For some of us, the intensity of the feelings may be greater now than they were then because we were not allowed to feel or show our feelings as children. As adults, until we started this journey, most of us did not let ourselves feel the powerlessness and vulnerability that is necessary to heal our woundedness.

At the start of recovery, if someone had said that one day we would look at our childhood experiences as having value, many of us might have had great doubt that would occur. Some of us avoided this journey because we thought that if we ever started to cry, we wouldn’t be able to stop. But with faith in our Higher Power and the strength of our fellow travelers, we became willing.

The guidance of the Steps and the support of other ACAs helped us release the pain of our past. The sharing of our experiences helped us see spiritual value in what we were finding, not only for ourselves, but because of the hope we offered to other recovering adult children.

On this day I know that being willing to share my journey helps me first and foremost, but it also helps others understand that this journey is spiritual.  I am now able to reconcile my past and live in serenity.”

My experience:

“Don’t Trust,” “Don’t Feel,” “Don’t Tell,” this is oftentimes the mantra that an ACA develops over time.  You become so disconnected in your feelings, that when you come into recovery, the tears come and you come to believe that they won’t stop. I have been crying since the first day I stepped into the room of recovery.  It was strange at first, however I have come to embrace it as I know I am letting out the years of pent up rage, hurt, and other untouched feelings that have been bottled up for years.

Soul cleanser

The eyes are said to be the gateway to the soul

Because you voyage deeply to mine those stories untold

Glance into my openings and you may notice them not dry

Because my eyes seem to have a trickle all the time

What you may not comprehend as you see me

I am healing and this is a way for my sorrow to be released

For every spanking, harsh word, or unrecognized feat

Added a brick to that wall of misery inside me

But as I tear at the barrier and attempt to unhide

I concede that the stress continues to reside

I now understand that this unhappiness needs a route

As the tears fall one by one without nary a prompt

The resident sadness needed to be recognized and named

Sometimes leaky, sometimes gushy, but tears all the same

Temper your concern as I am recovering well

The full cleansing of my soul, only time will tell

Blog:  www.bkcoates.com

Instagram:  bkcoates

Facebook: A Childhood Recovered

Twitter: @cornbread182