SELF-DOUBT
June 27, from “Strengthening My Recovery” daily reader
“We were taught to doubt ourselves so it became natural to believe that we are wrong, defective, or uninformed.” BRB p. 302
“Many of us learned early to doubt what we knew we saw because our parents shamed us into believing we were incapable of knowing. At first we knew the difference, but eventually we believed that our hunger pangs and other feelings were our imagination.
When we enter the rooms of recovery, we are ready to release this way of thinking. We begin to see that we no longer need to live in the survival mode of our childhood. We are ready to wipe the slate clean and write a new future. In ACA, we meet people who will support us as we take a second look at our past. By working the Steps and using the tools of the program, we gradually challenge the stories, roles, beliefs and negative, distorted thinking that has colored so much of our lives. We begin to accept the reality of our childhoods and that we did not cause the problems.
We now get to write our own future. We no longer have to be defined by our original family roles or by the toxic thoughts, words and actions of those around us. We get to choose what we want from life, how we see ourselves, and decide which filters we will use to perceive the world.
On this day I have the courage to face my past and the faith to write my future. I no longer doubt what I know to be true.”
My Experience:
I had no rudder, so I didn’t have self-doubt, I had false belief. I was figuring life out on my own pretty much, following the “don’t talk, don’t tell and don’t feel” rules. Since I was figuring it out and not saying anything to anyone, then there was no one there to tell me I was wrong. So I must have been right, right? There of course is doubt that gets instilled because I have no one to check with on the correctness of my thoughts and actions. So in the back of my mind I have always doubted myself. But I have worn the mask of belief forever and it was comfortable. Today I am challenging all the beliefs I have formulated and examining them and talking about them and getting the perspective of others. I am moving away from false belief and the doubt and formulating a more adult way of thinking. Thank you ACA.
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